


falls down like a flare (runnin' over thoughts that make my feet hurt)

by sammysidle



Series: so many words in just one word [1]
Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Blanket Permission, Character Study, Episode 9 coda, I don't even watch this anime, M/M, kaoru's pov, mentions of adam, mentions of past unrequited love if you squint, shameless use of Japanese, the author regrets sitting on the sofa on Saturday night, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29947740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammysidle/pseuds/sammysidle
Summary: “Right?... Kaoru…”Pretending to still be asleep after those words was one of the most difficult things he has ever done in his whole life.More difficult even than admitting to himself that for all this time his gaze had been focused on the wrong part of the picture.
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Series: so many words in just one word [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211204
Comments: 7
Kudos: 102





	falls down like a flare (runnin' over thoughts that make my feet hurt)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cherry_picking](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherry_picking/gifts).



> If only I knew what I was getting into when I decided to stay on the sofa a few Saturdays ago, when my flatmates used the TV to watch an episode of Sk8, then probably I would not be here now. 
> 
> The title is a mix of two songs, one is a rough translation of a line of the song 'Quando Nasce un Amore' by Anna Oxa, the second part is from One Direction, because it does not matter how old I am, I will always be 1D Trash. 
> 
> One of the sentences is shamelessly taken from the 2009 BBC miniseries Emma. Our queen and saviour. 
> 
> All my Japanese Culture and language knowledge comes either from internet research and/or from one of my flatmates who always underestimates how good she is at things. Especially Japanese.  
> I knew barely nothing about Japanese culture until the first bite of an Okonomiyaki met my mouth a few months ago and I decided that I would sell my soul and body to be able to eat them again.  
> If there are any mistakes and some Japanese fellas want to correct them, please feel free to do so!
> 
> I regret all my life choices, one of which was writing this for a number of hours instead of working, which means I will spend my night working instead of sleeping. The circle that never breaks. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“ _Right?... Kaoru…_ ”

Pretending to still be asleep after those words was one of the most difficult things he has ever done in his whole life.

More difficult even than admitting to himself that for all this time his gaze had been focused on the wrong part of the picture.

When he came to that realisation ( _the only logical one that he could reach without the help of Carla_ ), while sitting alone in the hospital bed, he fled the room, took his high-tech wheelchair at home (thanking his broken leg from two years ago and his tendency not to just throw away stuff) and made way to the restaurant.

Which is where he was now, petrified and yet almost unable not to move.

He must’ve been asleep for about two minutes when Kojiro’s voice woke him up, but he could not bring himself to move, listening to his quiet voice lulling him in this state of semi-conscience.

Then…

“ _We are not alone_ ”

That woke him up completely. His whole body screaming to his brain to open his eyes, move, breath, _do something_.

He did nothing. Because, if the realisation from earlier that evening had been a difficult awakening, this… this would make it _real_. It would settle it in his head, never, he fears, to be removed.

This was not how he planned this evening to go.

After his whole world – built in over ten years of masterful pining with strong walls coated with electric blue and sparkling red - came crushing down on him only to be substituted in a matter of hours by another one, made of much simpler, much stronger walls painted in calming green and a much smoother red, he only wanted to find something that he could count on never changing.

One thing to anchor him back to reality. To reassure him that the world he has been living in for his entire life was still there. Still a constant.

An after-closure session at the restaurant seemed the obvious choice.

But _this_.

This did the exact opposite. Those words made it clear to him that the world he had always known was gone.

He knew when he left the hospital that he would have had to speak with Kojiro at some point to let him know he finally _got there,_ and he wanted to take his first step in this world. He knew Kojiro would guide him through it with love, laughs and attention like he did with everything else in life. He was just scared to go in a place that someone else knew better than him, scared of the thought of spending his all life trying to catch up.

He had almost come to terms with the decision to make Kojiro aware that he was conscious, when strong hands picked him up and he found himself in his arms.

He was carrying him like a man would carry his bride through the threshold of their new life together.

Kojiro’s arms where strong and it felt like his weight barely registered with them. He did not miss the fact that his body did not react by tightening when he picked him up, like it has always been ready to be held like this.

All the better for him really as this might have alarmed Kojiro of his actual state of wakefulness.

If he would have been less mesmerised, he would have been embarrassed but well… he was concussed, his chest was aching, and this would prevent him from walking on his sprained ankle and… and who was he trying to fool?

He was warm and fuzzy.

He unconsciously nestled deeper in Kojiro’s embrace. He was drifting back to sleep when they came to a stop.

The hand that was holding his legs before was now effortlessly doing something and he realised they reached their destination. 

It was way too soon for it to be his own house.

The arm that was under his legs was now replaced by a strong, muscled thigh. He heard a door lock clicking and in a matter of seconds the arm was again under his knees.

Step.

Step.

Step.

Stairs.

Step.

Step.

He restrained himself from opening one eye even though his mind was quivering with curiosity. He has never been in Kojiro’s apartment, _not once_.

Another door opened and suddenly he was in a bed. A comfortable one even.

He felt a breath of fresh air and after a fraction of a second a fluffy blanket was covering him.

He waited to hear the sound of the door closing so that he could finally release a breath, but it never came.

He heard instead clothes rumpling and the thump of shoes being dropped on the floor.

There must be some piece of western furniture in the room - a legacy to his mother and her way of life - a sofa or something that Kojiro must have thought a good place to spend the night.

Lying in bed, the silence heavy, Kaoru could only do what always seemed to calm him.

Thinking about words, their _meaning_. A way to express an exact thought through the slow pace of a brush and the precise movements of his arms.

His language could be extremely strange when it wanted to. Just now, thinking about this whole day, an inspiration came to him.

His hands were itching for a brush. Or just a pen and tissue even.

He started to discreetly compose kanjis with the tip of his finger on the linen, hidden by the thick blanket.

He formed the word 雲, cloud.

That’s what his life has been about until now; a cloud screaming Adam, _Adam_ , **_Adam_**.

He paid so much attention to the screams that his life became them, his sky was so full of clouds that it was constantly overcast.

He scribbled it down. Overcast, 曇. Formed of cloud and sun.

And before he was even finished, he realised that, for the sky to be overcast, there had to be a Sun in the first place. 

And his Sun had always been there, since the _beginning_. It had green hair, red eyes and was shining brighter than the star itself.

Suddenly something fell into place, like his entire life has brought him to this moment. This was not a different world. It was the same one, seen with different eyes.

Eyes that had been too long in the dark and were now adjusting to the light.

He had to open them. _Now_.

Just as he was about to, Kojiro’s voice came from the end of the room.

“Have you finished overthinking your whole life? Someone’s trying to sleep here, four-eyes!”

Kaoru stood up on the bed. He opened his eyes and tried to locate Kojiro. He found him laying on a couch on the far corner of the room (typical western, he knew it!).

He looked at him, gold met red. His sky was starting to clear. It was almost too bright to stare at directly.

“You knew I was awake this whole time?”

A pause.

“Someday, four-eyes, you will realise that I am more perceptive than you think. Especially when it’s about you.”

“Kojiro… I…”, his tone was low, pregnant with meaning. Kojiro seemed to realise it.

“Not now, Kaoru. It’s late and you need to sleep. Tomorrow.”

 _Tomorrow_. He could live with tomorrow.

He lay back down.

He stood still for a second, thinking.

“Kojiro?”

“Yes?”

“ _Thank you._ ”

Silence. A comfortable one this time. Then he added,

“Good night, Gorilla!”

A grunt that was more a half laugh.

He was going to be fine. They were going to be fine.

The sky was clearing. What were people always saying?

‘ _There is no sky bluer than the one that won a thousand storms’_

He went to sleep, and for the first time in a long time he did not need any lullaby; the warm, steady breath of the sun, flaring even in the depths of the night, was more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> The website I used to research the kanji situation is this one https://www.fluentu.com/blog/japanese/similar-kanji
> 
> Feel free to have a look yourself. It is incredibly interesting. 
> 
> _"There is no sky bluer than the one that won a thousand storms"_ this also comes from the song of the title, _Quando Nasce un Amore_ by Anna Oxa, here is a link to listen to it on YouTube https://youtu.be/YSNLzVEQhj , it is a beautiful song about the birth of love and the nurturing of it. 
> 
> The tissue paper thing comes from my lovely friend Hongse who loves writing important plots on them. And I love her for it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


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